Over the last year our daughter has become completely enamored with Hallmark Movies. It’s seriously adorable. It all started during the Christmas season. I wanted to watch a movie and realized that unlike most of the other stuff on TV, these movies were appropriate and fun for her to watch as well. One can only watch so many cartoons and movies about teenagers in a musical. So, this was the perfect compromise. Soon after we found her sitting there in our living room, with her bean bag and pillow, totally engrossed in the movies we had begun to play, and asking us all kinds of cute and curious questions. She’d ask: where the characters lived, what they were doing and why, were they a friend or were they something more like boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually were they “gonna fall in love and kiss?”. 

Now the fun thing about Hallmark movies is that, unless it’s a feature film, they only have about 5 main plots from which they operate. Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, no matter the season you can count on that. Simple, straightforward, innocent, and even predictable story lines. And for our daughter, who was diagnosed with Autism, this is a huge benefit because she learns well through repetition. I’ve gotta admit, that at the same time, it’s also been comic relief for the rest of us. With each movie she asks us to watch, my husband and I, and even our son, find ourselves calling out our predictions within the first 15 minutes as to who will end up with whom by the end of the movie. Yep we love Hallmark movies around our house. Here are a few of the things she’s learned about from these silly sweet straightforward shows.

Friendship:

Our girl has learned a ton about friendships. There’s always a side kick in these movies. There’s always a BFF or wing man, sister or brother for the main female and male characters to bounce ideas off and get support from. And isn’t this what everyone wants in life? Just one good tried and true friend, who will stick with you through it all and who has your back? People with special needs want this too. And because video modeling works well in helping our daughter to learn, watching these movies has seriously helped her to better grasp what it means to be a friend, and what it looks like to have a friendship. So cool. There are lots of scenarios in these movies. They show friends having fun together, supporting each other’s ideas, and caring for one another by being physically present and tangibly helpful. They also show them disagreeing and working things out. These are all great life lessons about friendship that everyone should learn. 

Community:

She’s also learned allot about community. If you watch these shows, then you know that there is always some sort of community also surrounding the main characters. Yes it certainly adds interest to a story to have the bumbling baker, the grumpy boss, the sneaky co worker, the caring doctor, and the hospitable inn keeper, but I think there’s something more here. We all need community in life. The dictionary defines community as “ 1. a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. 2. a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” It’s a beautiful thing in life to feel a part of a community. Whether its your child’s school community, a sports community, your neighborhood community, a church community, your workplace community, your city’s community, the special needs community, or whatever community, the feeling is the same. A feeling of belonging and that we are all in this together. That too has been a pivotal lesson for our daughter to learn, and over the years for us to learn as well. We all need to find those around us who can understand and support us, and with whom we can unite in a common cause. We need people we can do life with. We all need community.

Dating Relationships:

One of the most fun things she has learned about is dating. Since allot of the plots of these movies center around a dating relationship, of course the result has been allot of questions from our daughter about dating. “Who is he?” “Why did she say that?” “He bought her flowers is he being nice to her?” “She’s wearing a pretty dress” “Does she like him?” “Is he gonna be her boyfriend?” “Are they gonna get married?”. And then there’s also the twist in the plot that has helped her learn a few things too. The boyfriend who is inattentive or rude doesn’t usually make it to the end of the movie as the boyfriend. Instead, drum roll please, in walks Mr. right, and we find out that he is the opposite of everything we’ve seen so far. While not perfect, he is kind and giving and wants to be an equal partner in life. I’m not afraid to say that these are qualities I’m happy to see my daughter admiring. In fact, I’ve been very happy about her seeing this kind of goodness of character and selflessness in relationship modeled. And frankly her questions about dating just crack me up. 

Love and Marriage:

Now we get to the good stuff. I know, I know we’re not supposed to promise our girls that like a fairy tale everyone will kiss and live happily ever after. But I’ve gotta say that in a world that is so complicated, this is one of the most beautiful things about our children. They don’t complicate matters. They see things simply as they are. So, when she sees a man and woman fall in love, kiss, and get married it’s as simple as that, and isn’t that a good thing. And yes, we will work later on explaining some of the complications that can occur. But for now, I’m just happy my daughter has learned a bit about love and marriage. And I’m glad that Hallmark movies have taken what can be a complicated abstract thing and made it simple and fun to learn about for our daughter. 

Communication:

You can’t have friendships, dating relationships, falling in love, or even operating as a community if you don’t have good communication. So, one of the best things our daughter has picked up from these movies is how to better communicate. I’m serious. She’s learned a little bit more about everything from how to greet someone, to how to resolve conflict, to how to profess your love, to how to have a sense of humor. My favorite is what she has learned about humor, especially the nuance of sarcasm. She is now able to perceive it, and it’s totally hilarious when she does. One day we were watching a show and the characters were sarcastically and playfully bantering; when suddenly she noticed the silly 80’s style song playing in the background and giggled and said,” That’s a cheesy song!” First of all, I didn’t even know she knew the word “cheesy” let alone how to use it. I just about fell over laughing. Communication also has to do with more than what we say. It has to do with body language and tone and how we receive something. So, she’s also learned allot about miscommunication. Often when there’s a conflict in the movie plot to build suspense, there is a plot line of some sort of miscommunication going on between the characters. This is when I have had to explain what it means to miscommunicate versus to communicate clearly with another person. Another really valuable life lesson. Thanks Hallmark. 

I realize that it’s an over exaggeration to say that my daughter has learned everything she needs to know from a Hallmark movie, but aren’t these great life lessons? We all need to learn more about friendship, community, relationships, love, and communication. For those of us who are parents of a child, teen, or adult with special needs these things can be hard, because we find that our lives can just be harder. But they are not impossible, and frankly they are important. One of the things I am thinking of especially is the need for community. If you are longing for community with other families that understand and you want to join in the conversation and be encouraged, please check us out at hopeonthehardroad.org and sign up for our email updates. If you’re in the area we’d love to have you come to one of our events, and please check us out on Instagram and Facebook where we can connect no matter where you are.