I began writing this blog post weeks before it happened. Before the news from China came to our attention, before the quarantines began, before the schools and work sites were closed, before the sports teams called off their playoffs, before the large venues like Disneyland shut down, and before the shelves were laid bare. Before the Coronavirus pandemic of 2020. 

I had originally started this post with a story about how a case of the stomach flu shut down our lives for a period of time; and how it ultimately reminded me of the fact that even when I may be limited I do not need to live life limited. So, in light of this recent global crisis and all of the very real and tangible limits that have been placed upon our lives, the question still remains, “How can we live life without limitation even when we are limited?”.  

That question came to my mind the day after our daughter came down with a case of the stomach flu, as I shared. It was the worst possible time for this to happen. We were deeply grieving the sudden passing of my husband’s mom, which had occurred only weeks before; so we were already on our last reserves both emotionally and physically, when our daughter’s illness hit. But here we were, both of us, blurry eyed and springing into action that night as best we could. Him going that way and doing this, and me going this way and doing that. Adding to the stress was the fact that our daughter struggled to even understand why she felt so sick, and so she became very anxious and agitated with us, making it even more difficult to handle the situation. None of us got any sleep that night of course, which was hard enough, but this night was following many other previous nights of little to no sleep. As a result, we were completely spent by the next day. Yet we had to keep going. My husband went off to work, while I stayed home for the day with our daughter allowing her to rest and recover. And as I went about my day at home, taking care of her needs, I realized that I was wrestling with a familiar feeling. It was a feeling of being constrained. 

The dictionary defines constrained as being “limited or restricted”.  I know this feeling well. I have this feeling every time I want to do something physical and a back injury, I sustained from a car accident years ago, prevents me from doing it. I had this feeling when I chose to homeschool my daughter for several years after a dispute with our school district, and I could no longer work. And I still have this feeling every time our daughter’s disability somehow limits her or limits us as a family. For many families, raising a child with special needs, this feeling of being constrained, or limited, can occur due to various real limitations.

Circumstances 

We can be limited by our circumstances. For those of us caring for children, teens, and adult children with special needs there are so many things that limit our lives circumstantially. We cannot get enough sleep, because our child doesn’t ever sleep through the night. We cannot go and enjoy a particular place or event, because it’s too loud or crowded or there is no functional access. We cannot go on a date or even get to church, unless we have a specialized caregiver. And the list goes on. Now we add to this the concern over the Coronavirus (COVID-19), and all the very real limitations that it is placing on all of our lives. It’s not just the concern over limited dry goods or toilet paper. For many of us who have children that are medically fragile, it’s much more serious than that. It’s a concern over limited access to hospitals and to the medications and supplies that we need. Many of us are concerned about the impact of the loss of regular routines and schedules for our children, teen, and adults who can no longer go to their schools, day programs, or work and who need that to feel regulated. I can tell you that we are already feeling the impact of this at our house, and it’s only just begun. 

Abilities

We may also be limited by your own abilities. In our lives, as parents of a child with special needs, things often come up which shine a light on the limitations we may have regarding our own abilities. Most of us begin this journey with a limited knowledge of all the medical jargon that pertains to our child, and which we have to learn quickly. Many of us do not have a medical degree or license to be able to perform all of the in-home procedures and therapies that we will inevitably be performing. Not all of us have a teacher’s credential to be able understand the IEP process before dealing with the school districts. How many of us have a law degree or training to be able to know all that there is to know about government supports and legal matters. Some of us may have physical limitations making it impossible to handle our child’s transfers or physical tantrums. We all have some sort of limitation to our own abilities. And now with the threat of the Coronavirus we may feel even more limited in our own abilities, because we cannot do anything about it and have to wait on our governments and their ability to solve this problem.

Fears 

Lastly, we can be limited by fear. Fear can be paralyzing. It can absolutely constrain, restrict and limit us from the doing the things we want or even need to do. We may feel like we cannot take the next step with our child’s treatment, because we fear the possible side effects. We may chose not to allow our child to explore new experiences, because we fear that they will not be able to do it or that they will be disappointed. We may not go on vacation, because we fear being away from home and everything that is familiar and possibly needed. We may not go on dates with our spouse, because we fear leaving our child with someone else as primary caregiver. And now of course, there are all sorts of new things to fear and not do with the Coronavirus on everyone’s radar. Fear is just so limiting. 

But I’ve come to learn that you don’t have to live limited, even when you are limited. These limitations don’t have to control the way we live our lives. Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” We may in reality be limited by our circumstances, but this does not have to make us live with a limited mind set. God doesn’t want us to live like that. He wants us to know that there is hope, that we still have a purpose, and that we can live a life of abundance right where we are and under any kind of circumstance. To be clear, I’m not saying that God is promising to make all of our very real limitations go away, or that we don’t have to actually be limited by these things in reality. What I am saying is that He wants us to live life more abundantly in the midst of our limitations. Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full” (John 10:10). This not only applies to a full life someday in heaven, but here and now as well. 

So how do we do this in the face of so many limitations, including those due to the threat of the Coronavirus (COVID-19)? We can only do this through a reliance on God. It is through His strength. In Phil 4:12b-13 the apostle Paul, who had been through many hardships, says, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength”. We can absolutely do this when we shift our perspective. We can live life to the fullest knowing that God will strengthen us for each situation. This is how we can live without limits, even when we are limited.

That day I was home with my daughter; I realized that even though I was feeling limited by my circumstances, I needed to look for what God was doing with that time. God had given me a day of rest after several weeks of really hard grief and stress. I may have been limited circumstantially, as I was restricted to the home for the day, but I was now free to slow down and rest a while. What a blessing that day turned out to be. 

And even now with the threat of this virus limiting my family, I have begun to look for what God is doing during this time and through these limitations. Is there a game we can play or movie we can watch together as a family with our now extended “down time”? Is there an older neighbor we can bless with a phone call to check in? Is there a friend we can FaceTime to talk about their fears and about the hope and peace that our loving God can give in this time of crisis? There are so many ways we can live life without limitation even when we are truly limited.

So how about you. When you’re at home with a sick child, or when you are in the hospital yet again, or while you are now dealing with all of the constraints from this Coronavirus, and you find yourself limited, do you look for what God is doing? Do you ask what God is using this time or this season for? Let me encourage you to live life without limitation even in the midst of limitations.