Our son is turning 18. He’s about to become an adult! How can that be? It was only yesterday that I held my tiny baby boy in my arms for the first time. I remember how intently he stared up at me with his big blue eyes. And I remember how much I marveled over every feature: his tiny ears, his cute nose, his slender little fingers, and his itty-bitty toes. I remember too, the sweet sight of my husband at 6 ft 5 tenderly bending over our newborn son’s hospital bassinet, then gently holding up his swaddled bundle of boy. And I remember all the sights and sounds of those first few days and really those first few years.

He was always such a ray of sunshine. When he first learned to stand up, I’d find him standing there smiling in his crib each morning waiting for me to come in and scoop him up. He loved to be rocked, walked, kissed, cuddled, to be read to and sung to, and danced with and played with. Then there came the toddler years filled with wonder and discovery. We rolled toy trucks, played with playdough, painted pictures, dug in dirt, splashed in water, and hung out with Daddy. Often, he could be found carrying his teddy bear around. My little blond-haired-blue-eyed boy was and still is my heart. 

Along the way my son became a big brother. His sister was born when he had just turned 2 years old. Barely beyond babyhood himself, from that point on he took on the role of a sibling. It wasn’t hard for him it seemed. He loved her so. He never minded sharing his toys or waiting his turn. He would often stop to say hi in the middle of his playing or lay down on his tummy next to her so that he could get her attention and have a little chat. Even at the time, we knew that we were blessed to be his parents, and that his nature wasn’t something we could take any credit for. She too seemed to have a special bond with him. When she was still very tiny it was his voice that would cause her to look, and it was his nickname for her that got the best reaction. She adored him and still does. They really have a sweet connection. She loves to hear his stories and he loves to tease her. He is the only one, who can get her to snap out of a tantrum with one silly look or funny joke. There’s just something special about their sibling relationship.

Of course, it hasn’t always been easy or perfect, and sitting here facing our son’s upcoming shift into adulthood I’m reminded that in reality he has already taken on so much of adulthood throughout his life. He has actually been adulting in many ways for many years now. He has had to continue to wait his turn and let his sister’s needs go first long past the needs of those early infant years. He has had to deal with being hit and control his own emotions about it, when his sister couldn’t control hers. He has had to miss out on the opportunity to have both parents in attendance at many of his plays, programs, award ceremonies, games and meets because many times if we didn’t have respite care and his sister couldn’t handle the crowds or sit still and be calm, one of us would have to stay at home with her while the other went. He has had to travel on several vacations with only one parent if it required an airplane, because there was no way of getting his sister on a flight. And he has had to miss out on countless other things that other kids are able to do and take for granted, while having to take on things that other kids would never think of doing. To say it’s been hard would be an understatement.

However, with each example of hardship it is clear that God has used this in his life to make him into the man he is becoming. He has learned earlier than most how to be patient, how to put others first, and how to sacrifice his own wants and needs for someone else. He has also learned how to self-advocate and how to control his own emotions, even when wrongfully treated. Despite the fact that there were times when we were unable to experience things together as a family, he has many good memories of having done things and having had experiences. And in some ways the one on one time that we shared has made the memories even sweeter. A couple of summers ago my husband was able to take him to Germany with his grandparents to see family, and now he often says that he will always remember that special time with his Oma and Opa. And my son and I were able to go on a whirlwind trip to DC and New York last year during spring break. So many good memories were made. During this crazy quarantine we have talked many times about counting our blessings on that one.

That has been the key to it all. Our son has learned to count his blessings. Many adults take years to learn this or never learn it at all. He has learned to set up his remembrance stones as the Bible says Jacob did (Gene 28: 16-22), and to count each memory as precious. To dwell on the things that happen, and not the things that don’t. To count the things he has, and not the things he doesn’t. Yes, he has had to step into an adult role much earlier than most, as a sibling of someone with special needs, but this has ultimately made him into the young man that he is today. And I’m so proud of him.