I used to think that joy could not exist in a time of sorrow. That was until I had lived with my daughter’s disability long enough to know that it so often does. Raising a child with special needs you experience plenty of days filled with emotional ups and downs. Many times, a single day can begin in frustration and sadness, and end in joy and celebration. Actually, these highs and lows can occur countless times within one single day. You learn to expect this possibility. But there are also times in life when joy mingles with sorrow. The truth is that in life, these two seemingly polarized emotions are not mutually exclusive but are in fact able to coexist. 

It has only been a few months and our hearts are still deeply grieving the unexpected and sudden loss of my husband’s mom. This is the first Mother’s Day we will spend without her, as a family. In January she passed away after having had a massive stroke. She was still young and had been healthy and full of energy, so it came as a complete shock to everyone who knew her.  

My mother in law was an amazing woman. She was a nurse and a born caregiver. From a young age she had been a caregiver for her mom who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. If ever anyone in our family needed her, she was always right there to serve as medical advisor and advocate, or to lend a listening ear or caring hand. I will never forget the precious hours she spent helping me through a difficult and long labor with our first born. Eric and I had planned to go through labor alone, but as soon as both of our moms arrived, I begged for them to come in. His mom wasted no time assuming the nurse and doula role for me, and I am forever grateful to her. She also had an incredible work ethic. My husband doesn’t really remember his mom ever missing a day of work, and it was clear she poured all that she had into her family and everything she did. When her kids were little, she worked the night shift so that she could be home with them during the day.  She kept a beautiful home, cooked incredible gourmet meals, attended everyone’s sporting events and recitals and plays, and sewed and crocheted countless creations for her kids and grandkids. She never stopped and did all things with a level of excellence that was admirable. She truly lived her life to the fullest. She went on many amazing trips all around the world with my father in law, enjoyed hosting countless dinner parties and playing cards with friends and family, took daily walks with her neighborhood ladies, enjoyed participating in weekly bible study, and never stopped learning new skills. I remember watching as my niece set her up with an Instagram account one day, so that she could keep up with the grandkids. That was all it took, and she was off and running from there. She was such an inspiration.   

This is the year of milestone celebrations for our family: Our son’s eighteenth birthday, our daughter’s sweet sixteen, and our son’s graduation from high school. Now we find ourselves celebrating these things, but without my mother in law here to celebrate with us. And there is joy mingled with sorrow. Even in the grieving process there is joy mixed with sorrow. We all miss her terribly as a family, and at the same time we still feel the unshakable peace and joy of knowing that she is in heaven. It’s really hard to fathom how this can be. How the human heart can hold such strong and opposing emotions at the same time. But I know that there is something sweet and sacred that occurs when joy and sorrow meet. When joy is mingled with the sorrows of this life, we are able to get a glimpse of God’s goodness and compassion toward us. We sense His nearness and His provision to see us through. And ultimately, we experience His great love for us in the midst of whatever it is we are going through. 

Our lives are like quilts – Bits and pieces,

Joy and Sorrow, Stitched with love

author unknown

How about you? Have you ever experienced a moment in life when you felt both joy and sorrow?