Neuschwanstein Castle, Germany: Photo by Eric Freund

She lay there on the living room floor all snuggled up in her favorite cozy blanket, reclined back onto her big bean bag with fidget in hand, and proudly announced, “I need a castle”. 

“What Doodlebugs?”, I asked.

“I need a castle”, she said again without a pause.

“You need a castle, huh?” I giggled as I repeated it.

I couldn’t help but think about what she’d said for days after that. The comment had come while watching a simple fairy tale story involving a princess and a castle. Of course, she wanted a castle. Doesn’t every girl? I know I did. I was once a little girl who wanted to be a princess too. I remember I used to lie on my stomach for long stretches of time, placing pieces of paper over my favorite image in my Cinderella storybook and tracing over and over again the beautiful puffed sleeves and the delicately placed white gloved fingers and the sparkling flowing gown with the glistening glass slippers peeking out from below. It was all just so magical. 

Fairy tales usually are pretty magical. But of course, fairy tales are not real life. And try as we might most of us do not end up with a castle. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we wish it would. Somethings are just hard, plan hard. And sometimes the wishes we once had are just not able to be realized in this life. 

I remember the day I stood in a garden courtyard waiting for my prince to round the corner. I was dressed in a sparkling white flowing gown and covered in a white veil with my satin shoes peeking out from below. My Prince was wearing a black tux and lead blind folded to stand infront of me for the big reveal. It was our wedding day. And all the hopes and dreams I had lay before me. We were going to finish our postgraduate education as we began our brilliant careers. We were going to build a house with some land and have four children who would fill our home with lots of loud activity, laughter, and love. We were going to spend Friday nights watching my husband coach football, Saturday mornings eating pancakes and attending soccer and baseball games, and Sundays in church followed by lunch out with family and friends. We were going to take lots of long summer vacations together camping and exploring the states. And later we were going to take trips abroad to Germany where my husband’s family lives and Ireland where my heritage lies. We were going to do allot of these things and more, but ofcourse most of this never came to be for our family once Autism entered the picture, or at least not without a whole lot of preplanning and a divide and conquer approach. 

Don’t get me wrong Autism is not a curse. In fact, for us it has been a beautiful unexpected blessing. In our family we like to call it our backwards blessing. A blessing that comes to you from the complete opposite and in every way unexpected direction, and leaves you marveling at the precious and invaluable impact it has in your life. Yes, it’s true that my daughter’s extra needs have caused many of our plans to change course, but in so many ways our plans have changed for the better. And the princess fairy tale dreams I once had, castles and all, simply morphed into something so much better, stronger, and more real than I could’ve ever dreamed of before. I thank God for the gifts he has brought into my life through this life of living with a loved one with special needs. The gift of learned patience and flexibility, and of joy in the simple things, and of unconditional love, of quiet strength and perseverance, and of finding hope on the hard road. Someday I will have my castle built for me by my one true king, but for now in this life I will count my unexpected backwards blessings and I will count it all joy. 

“In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.” John 14:2

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4