She looked up from her computer and asked, “How can I help you?”. She seemed friendly enough at first glance, so I started to answer.

“I’m here to check my daughter, Abigail, in for her eye appointment”, I said and then added, “I called ahead to say that we might be a little late, but I’m here”. It was a few minutes before the appointment time of 2:30. “Phew!” I thought to myself, “I made it.”

“Is your daughter here?”, she responded without acknowledging the rest of what I had said.

“Yes, she’s right behind me with my husband. We had to take two cars because she was a little late getting home from her special ed program. It was a rough day at school, and she had a tough transition onto the van. Did you receive the message we left with the front desk about that? We haven’t seen this doctor before and we just wanted to be sure they were aware that she was in a more agitated state and that we would be giving her a little Xanax to help her calm before being seen.”

“Oh, so she’s not here? If she is not physically here I cannot check her in.” she retorted, ignoring all the rest of what I had said once again.

Just then I heard a ring from my phone. It was Eric calling to say he was downstairs and asking me which floor he needed to go to. I could hear Abbey protesting loudly in the background. 

I hung up and quickly replied, “That’s them coming up the elevator right now, and I came just ahead of them as I said because when I called to say that we might be late I was told our appointment might be given away. We’ve waited 6 months for this appointment and we didn’t want it to get canceled. I thought I could at least start any paperwork you might need first. They usually wait in the hallway anyway as I check her in, because the waiting room can be too loud for her.”

“I’ll have to check with the doctor as your daughter is not physically present and she is now more than 15 minutes late”, she replied matter of factly.

“I’m sorry. What? Our appointment time was for 2:30 and it’s only 2:32 now, but I started talking to you before 2:30.”

“The time starts at the arrival time you were given. The appointment time may have been 2:30, but the ‘arrival time’ was for 2:15 and it is now more than 15 minutes past your arrival time so that is considered late.”

As she spoke, I could both see and hear Abbey in the hallway outside the glass walled waiting room. Abbey was protesting loudly and began hitting Eric, who was doing everything he could to help her regulate and remain seated while waiting in the hall. He had given her the half tablet of Xanax about 15 minutes before, but as we looked at each other through the glass wall both of us knew that the medication wouldn’t take effect for another 5-10 minutes. In the meantime we’d have to ride out the storm.   

I pointed to Eric and Abbey in the hallway and responded to the receptionist, “But we’re not late. Our appointment time was for 2:30 and my husband and daughter are right there. She’s waiting in the hallway because my daughter has Autism and the waiting room is too loud for her. As soon as you’re ready I’ll just let my husband know and he’ll bring her in.”

“Just a minute.” She said as she turned her back on me and began discussing the matter with her coworker. I could hear the co worker saying, “Oh, but is she here?”. 

“Yes.” I said through the slit in the glass. They didn’t seem to hear me. “Yes, my daughter is right out there.” I said once again pointing to Eric and Abbey.

The receptionist turned and looking up at me said, “It’ll be a minute. You’ll have to wait.” 

“Ok you mean to be called?”, I said, checking on the meaning of her statement.

“No, for us to ask the doctor if she can be seen since you were late.” 

And at that the mama bear inside of me rose up.

“I’m sorry I don’t understand what is going on. You know that I called ahead out of courteousy to say that we might be late. You know that I came earlier than our actual appointment time and that our daughter was only minutes behind me in arriving. And you know that my daughter is having a particularly hard day because she has a diagnosis of Autism and that we are doing everything that we can to get her to this appointment that we’ve waited more than 6 months for, including the fact that we have given her Xanax to help her calm. I do not understand why you are making things so difficult on a family that is clearly doing everything they can to deal with a really hard situation. I will wait right here until you tell me that we are able to see the doctor because we will not be canceling this appointment.” … ROAR!

She turned, stood up from her chair, and exited the back door to, as she had said, speak with the doctor. 

Upon her return she looked at me and reported, “The doctor said that she will take you late and will agree to see your daughter”.

I responded with one simple statement, “I’m glad to hear that. You should know, though, that we have been with this Children’s Hospital for 17 years, and I have never had someone treat us with such little understanding, especially knowing all that we are dealing with today because of our daughter’s disability. This was very badly done.” And with that I turned and walked over to where the nurse would be calling us back.

Once in the back, Abbey wasn’t the only one that had to take more than a few deep breaths to bring her blood pressure down. As the Xanax began to kick in, we were able to dilate her eyes and proceed with the exam thankfully. Her new doctor was kind and wonderfully understanding. And she was delighted to interact with Abbey, who at one point had looked up at her and cheerfully interjected, “I wanna introduce myself, I’m Abbey.” She giggled and teased and went on to show both the nurse and the doctor just how good a patient she could be, even when under stress. After everything we’d been through, Eric and I were so relieved. 

As the appointment came to a close, the doctor turned to us and said with a gentle smile and a look of compassion in her eyes, “You two are AMAZING parents.” We both responded with a sigh and a thank you, and decided to take the opportunity to share what had happened to us before the appointment. Our point was not to berate anyone, but to simply shed light on what was clearly a much-needed topic of discussion for their staff. 

Families like ours are already operating under some pretty difficult circumstances. We are doing the best we can each and every day with what we have been given. On hard days this applies all the more. We certainly do not need someone who is supposed to be in a position to help, instead choosing to make things unnecessarily harder for us than they already are. We do not need anyone to pity us. We do not need anyone to go to extraordinary lengths for us. All we need is a little understanding please. It’s not that difficult, and it can go a long way toward bringing someone a little hope on a hard road.

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” 

Luke 6:31