I stood there looking at the mounds of dresses in my cart. Dresses piled up high in every color: blue, orange, purple, white, green, black, and every shade of pink. My stomach was feeling a little queasy, not only from the cost I knew I was about to incur, or the hurry that I was in, but from the heart ache that I was feeling. It was the morning of my daughter’s first prom, and the dress that I had bought weeks prior, I had only been able to finally try on her the night before. Needless to say, it had not fit. So, here I was scrambling to find something that would work for her –  and quick! Proms are supposed to fun. A beautiful rite of passage. So why was I experiencing this pain in my heart? And why was I all alone buying mounds of dresses without my daughter, instead of having the typical pre prom fitting room fashion show that moms and daughters traditionally get to experience? Well, you see this wasn’t just your typical high school prom. This was the Tim Tebow Foundation’s Night to Shine prom. It’s an amazing night of celebration where churches from all over the world host a prom all on the same night on behalf of this incredible foundation for teens and adults with special needs. It truly is a magical event, but in that moment standing there in the store, all I could feel was all the grief that was surrounding the event for me.

I have never been able to go dress shopping for a school dance with my daughter. Each year homecomings came and went and proms too. Now here I was, excited that Abbey was about to have her first dance, but I was having to sort through dress after dress by myself, trying to find just the right selection to bring home. All so that she could try them on in the comfort of her own room, instead of a fitting room liable to bring on sensory overwhelm. The dress couldn’t be too short, or she wouldn’t know to pull it down and cover herself. The dress couldn’t be too low cut, or she wouldn’t know to pull it up and cover herself. It couldn’t be too long, or she could trip and fall over it. It couldn’t be too tight or be made of a material that was too itchy, or she might just be tempted to take it off. These are all things that are hard to find when you’re shopping for a 5’2″ petite 18-year-old who needs a formal style dress just right for the developmental age of a grade school child instead of a teen. In other words, it had to look like a prom formal, but yet not function like a formal, or it just wouldn’t work for her.

Next, I needed undergarments. I stared at the racks. Pantyhose or no pantyhose? And if I didn’t do pantyhose, what kind of shorts could I find to put under the dress for comfort instead?  Shapers are too tight and regular shorts add bulk under a dress. “Did we have any biker style shorts at home?”, I wondered, then settled on buying 4 different types of large sized shapers, just in case one of them worked and we ended up needing them.

Oh, my head was spinning by this point, but I still needed some comfortable shoes for her to wear. High heels wouldn’t do. She could trip and twist her ankle. “What about strappy sandals?”, I thought. But it’s winter and I knew my girl would be looking for some cozy socks to warm her toes. “Tennis shoes that’ll work. All the girls are wearing those with dresses now”, I told myself, “Shoot or was that last year? Oh well it really doesn’t matter; I just need to find what works for my girl”.

I was nearing the finish line. I had my pile of dresses, more than enough undergarment options, and the comfortable tennis shoes all picked out. Now it was time for something sparkly. My girl loves her sparkles, and I was not about to let her down. I looked and looked and finally found the cutest sparkly sweater to go over her dress, rhinestone buttons and all. It was in the children’s section of course. One benefit to Abbey’s petite size is that it sometimes still works for her developmental stage as well. As I passed through the isle of purses, I spotted it. The perfect hot pink purse hanging right in front of me on a hook. Suddenly my heart began to ache again as I pulled if off the hook. This hot pink purse wouldn’t be holding a lipstick tube and a compact, but a chew tube and sensory fidgets for her special night instead. “Just stay focused”, I reminded myself, and tried not to cry.

As I wrapped up the shopping trip with the clerk ringing up item after item after item; she came to an end, and looked up at me with a literal cringe, then read off the grand total. I took a big gulp and paid for it all. I knew I would be back to return most of it; but still to be financially overextended like that, even if only for a day, didn’t feel good. But what else was I to do. Abbey was worth all the effort, the expense, and the heart ache. Every bit of it.

I brought the clothes home and showed them off to Eric, who was home by now. Now onto the next step, getting Abbey to try it all on and to wear it that night, in only a few hours-time. And here’s where the story gets good. She tried every bit of it on. To our surprise, she tolerated everything I presented to her, and amazingly she picked out the things she liked best, and just like that we were off to the races. I quickly curled her hair and helped her to apply a little blush and lip gloss. Both Eric and I got dressed up as well. Eric was to be her date for the night. Something we were both really looking forward to. It would be his first father-daughter dance in her almost 19 years. And it meant so much to us, as we both sadly know that there will never be a father-daughter wedding dance in our future.

We walked up to the event and into the courtyard, where she was greeted with lots of fantastic sights and sounds. They did an amazing job of it. Volunteers everywhere eager to help. Disney characters happy to strike a pose. Cheerleaders leading the way down to the red carpet. Yes, there was a red-carpet walk. It was incredible! At one point, I had 2 phones in my hands, so that I could take both video and pictures at the same time as I walked quickly along the side of the red-carpet weaving in and out and around all the other parents trying not to trip over planters and light stands along the way.

Then under the balloon arch and into the venue, with a sea of beautiful people, with all kinds of special needs, and glistening lights before us, and lots of fun music playing from the stage overlooking the dance floor. We stood there for a while allowing Abbey to get acclimated; and all the while staying alert to the possibility that she would get overwhelmed, and we would have to leave. But she didn’t. I mean she did, but thank God, on this particular night, she was able to tell us when the music was too loud, or she needed to take a break. And she was able to access the supports that work for her. We were amazed! Shocked really.

By the time the night was done she had danced to at least 10 songs, had a conversation with spider man, posed with captain America, Mary Poppins, and almost all of the Disney princesses, ridden in a limousine, and had been crowned a prom queen! Eric and I lay in bed that night and couldn’t stop pinching ourselves and asking, “Did that really happen?”. The whole experience which had started off with such heartache, had ended in so much hope. Hope for a future with more delightful surprises like this; and most of all hope because of the tender mercies we knew our loving God had provided, and would continue to provide along this journey with our Abbey.