It’s June, and for most of us summer has begun. I’ve always loved the feeling of the beginning of summer. The excitement for a new season and the anticipation of some well-deserved vacation time off. In our house, summer has always come with the close of a school year. Eric is a high school teacher and coach, so there has never been a summer for us that didn’t first begin with the excitement of award ceremonies and graduations. There’s just something about the start of summer.
Summer, however, can be a tough time of year for many of us caring for a child with special needs. Not only does our child feel the change in their schedule, but our whole family often feels the impact of the dysregulation that this can cause. Furthermore, it’s not easy trying to plan a vacation around the needs of our child for access, routine, and sensory regulation. In fact, many families simply give up and opt instead for a stay-cation. If they are even able to do that. And siblings often feel the effects of missed opportunities for experiences at theme parks, trips to the beach, or other fun outings that simply overwhelm their brother or sister. There can be a tremendous amount of stress on parents to try and balance all of the needs. Including, their own need for rest at a time when there is no longer a break, with school no longer on the schedule.
In this blog post we explore a few creative ways to help you and your family not just survive but thrive in these summer months.
Make a Schedule
First off, make a schedule. We all live by schedules. They not only help us to organize our daily activities, but they help us to know what is coming up next so that we can manage our expectations for our day, week, month, or year. Schedules help us to feel regulated and productive as well. Whether we like it or not, making a schedule helps our child in the same way. So go ahead, I know it’s summer, but take a moment and make a schedule that works for your family. It doesn’t need to be complicated or overwhelming. Simply start with the major events of the summer (summer school, vacation, family reunion, etc.) and work your way down to a basic daily schedule (activities, chores, meal time, play time, therapies, etc.). Drawing up a schedule for your child’s day, week, month, and summer will really help your child, no matter the age and capability, to understand what is going on and what is to be expected of them. This in turn will help keep anxiety down, and hopefully help with regulation even when things are just not the norm.
Bring the Supports
Next if you are going anywhere, bring the supports that are needed to help make everything go just a little smoother for your child and your family. Pack a bag with all the familiar things that your child likes: coloring or crafting kits, puzzles and games, iPad, reading books and skill level books, movies, sensory toys, and a favorite pillow and blanket, etc. The choices of course are endless. The main thing is to simply bring what works best for your child. Whatever their favorite fidgets and activities are, that’s what you’ll bring. You can also bring a larger bag with extra supplies like a change of clothes and snacks and then a small go-bag for day time outings while out and about. This will also help to keep the anxiety down, as your child feels the comfort of familiarity in a bag that they can bring anywhere.
Live the Moment
It’s important to live in the moment, but also to truly live the moment. So often we get ahead of ourselves, worrying about all kinds of things that could go wrong, that we don’t really see the moment that is right in front of us. Who knows what the future holds? None of us, but thankfully the one who holds the future does.
Jesus encouraged us saying, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.” (Matt. 6:26-27)
If we take the time to slow down and truly see all the small yet monumental moments that we have presented to us each and every day with our child, we can find joy and life in the midst. Our children are exceptionally good at causing us to slow down, aren’t they? So, live the moment. This is when we begin not only to survive, but to thrive.
Ditch the Guilt
Feelings of guilt seem to automatically come with the job of being a caregiver. As caregiving parents, we know that our child’s life is pretty much in our hands, and if you have a child with medical needs, this can quite literally be the case. We feed them, clothe them, bath them, give them their medications, take them to all kinds of therapies and doctors, attend their IEPs and other annual meetings, and diligently plan for their future. It sure feels like everything has been placed under our control, and if anything goes sideways, we often blame ourselves for it. But, in reality each moment and each resource has been planned for our child by their heavenly Father.
Scripture says, “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Prov. 16:9).
Be encouraged, God has a plan and he will see it through (Jere. 29:11). All the what-ifs, could’ves, and should’ves, in the world, won’t help you to keep journeying forward in this life. In fact, this false sense of guilt is a work of the enemy, meant to keep you feeling defeated. So, ditch the guilt, and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. You do not need to fear. Know that God holds both you and your child in his hands, and He will not let you go.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isa. 41:10).
Celebrate the Wins
Lastly take time to celebrate. Celebrate those beautiful summer moments, no matter how small. Take the wins! There have been many summers when our family was unable to get away, and where the wins for the day were really hard to find. But looking for things to celebrate no matter how small is what not only helped us through, it’s what made memories that last a lifetime too. So, celebrate the fact that the sun is shining and you have another day to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation, even if it’s only in your own backyard. Celebrate that quick trip out for ice cream that didn’t end in a meltdown. Celebrate the moment you were able to float in a pool with your child and just be. Celebrate that moment of silence that follows a trip to the beach, when everyone dozes off on the car ride home. Celebrate each and every moment, whatever it is – take the win and celebrate!
This is the simple practice of gratitude. Studies have shown that when you practice gratitude, it is neurologically impossible to feel worried and thankful at the same time. In other words, practicing gratitude, can literally rewire your brain to be more positive and content, and don’t we all want a little more of that this summer.
So, celebrate the summer! Eat a little pie and ice cream, swim with your kids, enjoy some BBQ, read a book, play with a few friends, watch fireworks (even if they’re on TV), connect with the ones you love, and enjoy all the summer celebrations.
Happy Summer!
