Abbey went to her first day camp without us this summer. She had attended an amazing sports camp for several summers that our friend Jan ran; however, we had never left her at camp for the day, and it had been several years ago, so this was different.

Abbey is 19 years old now, and everything we are doing with her has the overarching goal of, “How can we maximize her independence and growth.” When we help her get dressed, for instance, we continue to provide hand over hand assistance with deodorant application, in the hopes that someday soon she’ll be able to pick up her own deodorant and apply it independently and thoroughly enough to make an impact, if you know what I mean. If we have the opportunity to have her dish something out and serve it to herself, we support her. If we’re doing laundry we work on each task of sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away together. If we go to a store or restaurant, we walk her through all the steps of talking with the staff, loading and unloading the items or ordering, and paying for the items before walking out, even if it takes forever to get it done. It’s just our reality now. Abbey is getting older and so are we, and so we are now feeling the very real pressure to prepare her for a time when we won’t be able to be there for her.

This may seem sadly morbid, but it’s just our reality as her parents, and so many others like us. Someday we won’t be there, and if God allows Abbey to live beyond our years, we simply have to have a plan in place. A part of that plan is to train her to be resilient without us and to do as much and be aware of as much as she is capable of. So, we do all the things we can think of to help her with that. It’s not easy, but it is so very important that we do this type of training with her.

So, this summer, leaving her at a day camp was a giant step forward for all of us. This camp wasn’t at a facility, which is something we are used to for our daughter, who often needs behavioral supports. This camp was out in the wide-open community. And each day was at a different location and often several locations from 9:00 in the morning all the way to 3:00 in the afternoon. One day they went for a local hike around a lake and then swam at a large community pool. Another day they went to see horses, went to a trampoline rec center, and then they swam as well. And on another day, they played at a park and went to an aquarium on the coast. And on yet another day they went to the beach!

Frankly this camp rocked! I wanted to go! But that wasn’t a part of the plan. So, despite the fact that I knew the noise and crowds of a large public pool could increase Abbey’s anxiety – I sent her. Despite the fact that places with food stands could cause a food fixation and agitation in my daughter – I sent her. And despite the fact that the wide-open beach struck a considerable amount of fear in my own heart – I sent her. I sent her because I knew this was the best plan for her. She needs to build that resiliency and independence. She needs to exercise those skills, like muscles, and grow as strong as she can in these areas.

I’m not saying that our plan is to suddenly and miraculously expect our daughter to become completely independent – that’s just not possible due to the extent of her disability, nor is that the goal. The goal is simply for her to grow. To grow in all the ways in which God made her capable of growing: mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And isn’t that what all parents want for their children.

God wants this for us too. Like a good parent, he says he trains us up, and that he has given us everything we need to live this life (Hebrews 12:9, 2 Peter 1:3). God reassures us that it is the hard things in this life that grow us the most, in the best of ways, and that also produce a deep and abiding hope in Him.

 “ We rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” – Romans 5:2b-4

In the midst of that week of camp, I began to wonder what Abbey thought of all of this – all of her new adventures to new places. On leaving camp one day I got my answer. I dropped Abbey off with her backpack to sit at a picnic table with her aid and color, and began to leave, but something stopped me, and I decided to turn around and call to her saying, “Bye sweetie have a fun day at camp!”. To which she replied clear as day and oh so cheerfully, “Bye Mom!”. This was a first in all of her 19 years of age, she had never said bye and then said my name. And she was so clearly happy and proud of herself, I could’ve burst into happy tears, but I didn’t. I simply took it all in, drew in a deep breath filled with contentment and relief, and treasured the gift that God had so clearly just given to me. A little sign that He holds all the plans, and I don’t need to fear what the future holds, because He holds her future in his hands.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11