November is National Family Caregivers Month. In honor of this we will be reposting a few of our blogs especially written for caregivers.  We hope you enjoy!

Eric scooped me up into his arms and lifted me off the ground and into the air. It was a romantic gesture my six foot five inch hubby had done often over all of our years together. We hugged and kissed and then Abbey, who was sitting near by, said out loud in a comment directed at me, “Are you heavy?”. 

“Oh wow girl!” 

As Eric put me down and we snuggled one last time in a tender embrace, apparently she wasn’t quite done yet. Oh no, this time her comment was directed to Eric, “Are you soft?”.

Eric probed for understanding, “What’s soft?”

“Your tummy”, she clarified.

That encounter had us laughing for days. 

We were laughing because we knew that what she said wasn’t exactly what she’d meant. When she asked if I was heavy we knew that she wasn’t really commenting on my weight, she was only thinking of what it takes to lift somebody – anybody. And when she talked about Eric’s tummy being soft, she was really only commenting on how I had wrapped my arms around him and was softly rubbing his back. 

All the same her literal take on things had us hilariously humbled. It often does.

Though it’s funny to think of how her comments appeared, there was one underlying truth Eric and I could only half laugh about. We are getting older. We are no longer the twenty somethings we were when we first met and married. And statistically speaking we are definitely on the other side of hill and well into the second half of our lives. What could be a depressing thought for anyone. But especially for two people who are solely responsible for another person’s well – everything!

Those of us who have been at this caregiving thing for any extended length of years know what it’s like to wake up in the morning and find that you’ve aged. In fact research shows that caregivers tend to age at a faster rate then their peers. This is because over time caregiving can impact every area of life for the caregiver: the loss of relationships and isolation, wear and tear and other health issues, disrupted careers and financial stresses. And all of this can lead to chronic stress which then leads to early aging.  

The good news is that while studies show that high levels of stress hormones over time can lead to early aging, studies also show that there are some things we can do to change this prognosis. Those things that we do to change the impact that constant caregiving has on our minds, emotions, spirits, and bodies are often called selfcare. Some may think the meer mention of caring for oneself first seems selfish. But selfcare isn’t selfish it’s necessary. 

If you were to board an airplane with a child, the flight attendant would tell you as a parent that in case of air bag deployment you must first put on your own airbag before helping your child put on theirs. This is because it is a fact that if a parent does not do this and they lose consciousness from lack of oxygen, then they will not be able to help their child and the child will suffer as well. You will have made an exponential mistake in not caring for your own needs first. This is also true for caregivers. If we do not take care of our own needs and stay healthy and strong mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically then how will we be able to take care of the needs of those that we are caring for. 

Mental

As a parent caring for a child with special needs there can often be allot of mental stress that comes with having to make so many decisions for your child all of the time, and decisions that often bear allot of weight. This is what leads to decision fatigue. It’s important to counter balance the stress that is created with some mental stress decompression. What ever works for you to be able to take some time and relax and recharge mentally is what you need to do. So watch TV, play a game, listen to music, daydream about something fun, and give yourself a little mental holiday.

Emotional

So many of us parents raising children with special needs don’t realize it, but we often suffer from PTSD. Trauma leading to PTSD can occur for many reasons. Having to put your child through painful procedures without them having the ability to understand why, can be extremely traumatizing for parents. Not being able to fix things for your child can be unbelievably hard as well. And being hurt physically by your child, especially repeatedly, if they struggle with behaviors due to their disability can be incredibly difficult. This is why it is so important to get help. Don’t be afraid to talk to a church counselor or licensed therapist if you find that you are struggling or just need a safe sounding board. Your mental and emotional health is just as important as your physical health.

Spiritual

As human beings we are not only made up of the mental, the emotional, and the physical, but the spiritual as well. God created us in His own image to laugh, to love, and to connect with Him and with one another. He loves us so very much and He wants to walk through this life with us and to help us as we go through whatever it is we are going through. We only need to read John 3:16 to see how very much He loves us. We were not created to just live this life and then one day die. We were created by a God who loves us to live a life of purpose. What a wonderful truth to cling to on our hardest days.

Physical

Lastly you need to take care of yourself physically. Take a break to do some of the things that you enjoy even if you only have a few minutes to an hour to do them: take a bath, read a book, watch a movie, listen to a podcast, create something, get out in nature, exercise, get a haircut or get your nails done, and find a way to laugh. Proverbs 17:22 tells us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Also make sure you see your doctor and dentist for regular checkups. It’s so important for you to take care of yourself physically so that you can do the things that you need to do.

When you take care of yourself you can then operate from a better place of strength, and you will be far more effective at doing the things that you need to do for your child and anyone else in your life.

To read more about selfcare click on Five Things I’d Want Share