Seasons of Life

I’m in a season right now. The kind of season I don’t really want to be in. The kind that leaves you exhausted to the bone and wondering what the future holds. Many of you know all too well what I’m talking about.

Never Ending Seasons:

When I was a young mom I used to be a part of a young moms community group. It was so much fun. They provided us young moms with free childcare, and we got to eat something yummy that we didn’t have to prepare, while sitting with other moms and listening to various speakers who shared on topics related to life and motherhood. Often we would hear from older well-meaning more experienced moms who were trying to encourage moms of little ones. They would say that we just needed to hold on and remember that this was only one season of life. They would share that this season of endless feedings, and diapers, and toddler tantrums would soon pass, and that then we would be onto the next season of life, and this would one day all be behind us. With beautiful empathy they encouraged us to soak up these precious moments with our littles while we still could. These older moms once again said these things with the best of intensions of course, and for the majority of moms in the room this would turn out to be exactly the way that things would predictably go. But not so for me. And not so for the many millions of other moms out there who still find themselves giving feedings, changing diapers, and dealing with tantrums long after that season of life should have passed.

I say these things, not to complain of others, but simply to share and highlight the journey that many of us find ourselves on in this life. It is a hard road for those of us caring full time for a child with special needs. This applies to special needs of any kind. We often think of those with more severe diagnoses. This applies to many of the hidden diagnoses as well. Children with a diagnosis of ADHD, learning differences, or anxiety often require many years of IEPs and counseling and therapies long into adulthood. And parents are often left to deal with little to no supports provided while still having to fight the system and society to advocate for their child along the way. It is often a lifetime of advocating and caregiving for many of us.

As the Seasons Move On:

So what happens as the seasons of our own life move on. As the years roll by we inevitably begin to get older as caregivers, and the wear and tear of all of the physical, mental, and emotional strain on us begins to show. I am about to turn 50 this year, and while I don’t feel 50, because I’ve always been pretty young at heart, my body feels at times more like I’m turning 60. The dreaded menopause season has been upon me for a while now, many of my joints ache from my younger years as a competitive athlete, and I live with a chronic back injury from a major car accident sustained in 2011. The fact is, I’m getting older, and yes getting old is truly not for the faint of heart.

Multiple Seasons at Once:

And what happens when our parents age as well? What are we to do when sickness and disease and perhaps disability overtakes them as well. Often we eventually find ourselves caring for multiple generations at the same time. Sadly this reality is not talked about as much as it should be.  For those of us already caregiving for a child, being in what is called the sandwich generation means that we have a whole lot more layers in our proverbial sandwich to navigate.  Honestly the heartbreaking complexity of caregiving for my own adult daughter who is entering the season of day program and residential decisions, along side my mom who is enduring 2 devastating degenerative diseases, is utterly unfathomable to me most days. Frankly I find that I can’t even put it all to words.

Being Present in the Season:

Most days I simply try to be present. Present for the moments when I can catch a glimpse of my mom’s sense of humor or her excitement over something she finds delight in. Present for the times my daughter snuggles in close or calls me mom. Present. That’s all anyone can really be during these seasons of life, is present. Each of us will journey through seasons of life, and no matter what those seasons look like, the greatest gift we can give ourselves and those we love is to simply be present. To truly live in the moments that God has given to us, is to truly live this one life that we have been given.  In saying this, I’m reminded of a beautiful quote that I hope brings you peace along your journey through the seasons of life.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. – Eleanor Roosevelt