Katherine Wolf is no stranger to a life of pain and hardship. She miraculously survived a stroke that occurred 6 months after the birth of her first son, and now lives with the effects of that stroke. And yet she is bubbly and vivacious, positive and optimistic, and clearly someone who is thriving in the midst of her circumstances.
As Bob Goff interviewed her, they talked about her story, they talked about her ministry, and then the conversation took a very real turn as Bob Goff talked about coming along side those who are hurting. He said, “The best advice I ever got was a hug.”
Wow! So well said!
When we are hurting, we don’t need someone to give us advice or quick and easy platitudes like, “You know God gives special kids to special people” or “Things will get better” or “God never gives you more than you can handle”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard statements like these, and if you are a parent of a child with special needs you probably have too.
People mean well. They often just don’t know what to say. Most of the time these things are said by someone trying to bring comfort and it’s important to appreciate that fact and give grace.
However let’s be real, when we are in pain all we really need and want is to have someone come sit beside us in that pain. In the interview, Katherine Wolf refers to this as, “The ministry of tears”. Simply put we ought to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). There is something beautiful and sacred in the way that God has created us to sympathize with one another. In the story of Job, his friends give us the best example of this, when they weep and sit in silence beside him for seven days and nights as he mourns the loss of his family (Job 2:12,13). Sure, they mess up with all their advice and talk later, but that too just shows how powerful their initial actions of compassion had been.
We all have hard times in life. Some of us for seasons. Some of us for longer. And sometimes we are the giver and sometimes we are the receiver of compassion. So let us remember not to be the one who brings the proverbial casserole of compassion at the start of a crisis only to follow up with uncompassionate advice and questions like, “Are you all better now?”. Let us instead be the one that offers a simple hug and sits in silence beside a hurting friend, no matter how long it takes and with no expectations of our own.
