September had just begun, and we were still getting acclimated as a family to the new rhythms of life with our son away at college.
“Mom I wanna decorate!”, she said with a cheerful voice.
“You do?”, I asked, then waited for more.
“Yes, with pumpkins.”, she said decidedly.
“You bet sweetie. We’ll decorate soon. I can’t wait for the holidays how about you?”, I added.
“Ya, I like decorating”, she responded sweetly.
Holidays are a big deal in our family and the Fall is of course always our big kick off to the holiday season ahead. We love everything about it: the cool air, the colorful leaves, the football games, the pumpkin spice, and of course the decorations.
When we were newlyweds, I used to love to decorate our apartment. After work I’d shop and gather supplies. Then after Eric’s Friday night high school football games, I’d spend the weekends staging pumpkins and candles, making crafts, and baking goodies. I remember it like it was yesterday. The sights, the smells, the sounds. Oh…the Fall.
When the kids were little the traditions continued, but with some fun new additions. Pumpkin patches filled with hayrides, photo shoots of adorable munchkins, delicious foods like kettle corn, and of course pumpkin picking. Then Trick-or-Treating and Harvest Festivals with fun carnival games, yummy caramel apples, and cute Halloween costumes. One of the sweetest pictures in my mind of that time, is of my 2 little babies each in the same little pumpkin zip-up sleeper topped with a pumpkin stem beanie. Oh…the sweet memories.
Then came Abbey’s diagnosis of Autism as a preschooler, and just about everything about our fall traditions became hard. Decorating and baking delicious fall treats was no longer fun or easy to do. Most of it had to be done after hours, if at all, with all of the therapies, insurance phone calls, doctors’ appointments, IEP meetings, and 1 on 1 behavioral interventions that filled our days. Crowded spaces became overwhelming. Festival lights and sounds became overwhelming. Itchy costumes became overwhelming. Everything became overwhelming for her and for us. Many times, we had to gather up our son and leave early. It was heartbreaking. Eventually we found a rhythm that began to work for us. We’d start off wherever we were as a family of 4 and do as much as we could together; taking a couple pictures, playing a few games, trick-or-treating at 1 or 2 houses until it was all too much for our daughter. Then when things became too overwhelming for her, one of us would take Abbey to our car or back home to relieve the overwhelm that she was feeling. And one of us would enjoy the rest of the time with our son, so that he wouldn’t miss out on the fun. And I learned too to enjoy the after-hours of fall decorating and baking in the cool quiet of the night in our home. It wasn’t the way we wanted it to be, but it was what it needed to be to make things work for our family. Oh…the hard years.
Then somewhere along the line things began to change. Don’t get me wrong we still have our moments or days of overwhelm, when everything just seems too hard not only for our daughter but also for us. But where there once was difficulty in grasping or meeting her needs, we now have so much more figured out. And where there once was difficulty in tolerating or understanding the scenario at hand, Abbey now has so much more figured out. Oh…the beautiful progress.
When Abbey asked me to decorate with her this fall, I jumped at the chance to celebrate. God had given us a precious gift in her ability to remember the years of fall traditions we’d had as a family, and it clearly meant something to her. I felt so blessed to catch a glimpse of that in this moment. So yes Abbey, let’s celebrate the autumn leaves and pumpkins please.
