One night after what had been a particularly exhausting day, or frankly month, of full-time caregiving without any breaks, due to all of our respite workers being unavailable for one reason or another, Eric dropped onto the couch next to me and stated, “I spend so much time caretaking that it’s hard to take care.” I knew what he meant, of course, that all this caregiving was leading him to a place of hardly being able to care for himself. As we sat there, he began to share just how hard it had been to get enough sleep, to exercise, to eat healthy, or to even get a moment alone with his own thoughts to decompress. I knew the signs well. He was experiencing caregiver fatigue.
Full time caregiving is not for the faint of heart. It takes all you have and more to keep going day after day and year after year. Those of us caring for a loved one do it without questioning of course, but all this caregiving can lead to a very real case of caregiver fatigue and even caregiver burnout.
Here are some of the signs and symptoms of caregiver fatigue:
- Emotional and physical exhaustion
- Irritability, sadness, or anger
- Social withdrawal or loss of interest in the people and activities you once enjoyed.
- Loss of sleep
- Loss of appetite
- Increased health problems
- A sense of hopelessness
- A feeling of resentment toward the person in your care or a feeling of being stuck.
So why is it important to know about caregiver fatigue? Well caregiver fatigue isn’t something you can just push through. In fact, studies show that it can lead to anxiety and depression and other health issues, such as chronic illness and hypertension to name a few, due to the toll that is taken on the body, mind, and spirit. So, it’s important to know the signs and symptoms before it becomes a crisis situation.
How can we help alleviate caregiver fatigue? First recognize the signs and symptoms. Everything begins with awareness. Next recognize that caring for yourself is valuable and necessary. After looking at the list above, you can hopefully see why it’s so important. You are important. And yes, you can also operate from a much stronger place as a caregiver, when you first take care of yourself. Whatever that looks like for you. Think body, mind, and spirit.
Body
Exercise, eat healthy, drink water, and get your sleep for sure, but instead of thinking of this as a “to do” list think of it as a “get to do” list and do the things that are fun and enjoyable for you. For instance, when you think exercise don’t worry about working out for an hour at the gym when a brisk walk for 20 minutes out in nature or some dancing around the house to your favorite music will do. Don’t think I have to sleep exactly 8 hours but rather let yourself relax in the knowledge that you got all the sleep you could and make a plan for an every-other-night trade off with your spouse, or take a nap when the respite worker comes, instead of going out. Simply do the best you can here, but don’t let the idea of “self-care” add to your stress.
Mind
Our minds are amazing. The mind can lead to so many beautiful thoughts and creations, but the mind can also lead to more than a few rabbit holes. It’s important to recognize when our thoughts are controlling us and when we are no longer controlling our thoughts. The bible speaks to this very thing and encourages us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to, “take captive every thought”. This means God gave us the ability to recognize and to interrupt the thoughts that can lead us to negative thinking. This is not to say that we shouldn’t have a real thought about a real and difficult situation that we are encountering. It simply means don’t stay there. Recognize the thought and find a way to take it captive and to process it; like journaling, praying, or talking it out with a counselor. One important note: if you are struggling with anxiety or depression, please do not hesitate to contact a licensed therapist or counselor. Your mental and emotional health is just as important as your physical health.
Spirit
The spirit can become fatigued as well. King David is an example of one who lamented in the bible saying in Psalm 143:4, “My spirit grows faint within me”. He was honest with God about not only how he felt, but how he struggled spiritually. Then in verses 8-10 we see something happen. It’s a beautiful picture of how David turns and trusts God in the midst of the hard circumstances of his life.
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”
Tell God how you feel. Bring all the pain and anxiety to Him and He will meet you where you are at and surround you with His love.
Lastly to all the caregivers experiencing caregiver fatigue. Please know that you are not alone. There is an entire community here for you at Hope on the Hard Road. We are a community who gets it. Join us as we journey along the road together.
