I Can’t Stop Dancing
In the corner of our backyard stands a covered wooden structure on top of a raised concrete patio slab. This is where we enjoy nighttime fire side chats and smore making. It is where we sit sipping iced tea on Saturdays spent doing yard work, and enjoying the breeze that makes its way from the coast to the leaves of our surrounding trees. This is also the place where I have sometimes gone in tears and exhaustion to find comfort, praying and rocking my worries away. Happily, it is also the place where you can find Abbey sitting quietly at a table making crafts and chatting away with a caregiver or one of us, as she listens to her favorite music being played from the voice-activated speaker above. And on an especially good day this is the place where you can find us dancing.
One particularly bright and sunny afternoon, Abbey was sitting on the patio playing and listening to one of her favorite artists per her own audible request. It was Michael Bublé. His jazz and Latin style beats are super fun and easy to dance to, and I have to admit that I am the one who first introduced the artist to my daughter for the sheer fun of it. As Bublé began to sing, I began to dance around the space, inviting Abbey to join in. To my delight, she did. Then suddenly, Abbey let out a giggle and proclaimed, “I can’t stop dancing!”.
“I can’t stop dancing!”, I thought with a giggle in my mind and heart, “Well isn’t that just the tagline for your life girl.”
When Abbey was in my womb, our tiny little girl couldn’t stop moving. She was always dancing, and she definitely hasn’t stopped. Her life is filled with moments of dancing. Dancing with pure joy and dancing either with or through all sorts of hard and even impossible situations, but yet still maintaining her joy. She is a miracle of perseverance and determination. I’m sure your child is too.
No one could question that we as parents of children with special needs have an almost superhuman amount of determination and perseverance. But how do we, as parents, keep dancing? And how do we dance this dance day after day, month after month, and year after year and find any kind of joy? Truth be told, this is hard. This is beyond hard, isn’t it? So how are we supposed to keep dancing and actually find joy in the midst of the dance?
Connect with Community:
It’s so important to connect with community. Connection with others, especially a community of people who get what you are going through, can help you feel less alone on the journey. You can also find the tangible support that is so needed. Others who have been through what you are going through, can be a knowledgeable resource and can help you navigate the special needs world of IEPs, government support programs, medical systems, and much more. They can give perspective and a compassionate listening ear to what you are going through as well. Finding community is a big step toward finding joy in the midst of the journey so that you can keep on dancing.
Engage in Encouragement:
It’s also crucial to let yourself engage in the encouragement that comes from others. Encouragement can come in many forms. People may want to help encourage in practical ways by bringing food, carpooling your other children, or hiring you a cleaning service. Let them. In fact, engage in the encouragement they are trying to share. God is using all things for good. You may not want your family to be the object lesson for another, but the plain and simple fact is that those who come to help are being called to see your child, your family, and your story. To see the need and to enter in and help. So let them. Who knows, you may not only get a good meal when you most need one, but you may also find that you get a new friend because you were willing to engage.
Journey with Joy:
As parents we know that we cannot stop dancing. We dance with the school district. We dance with our insurance companies. We dance with the balance of work, family, and the caregiving needs. We dance with our own thoughts of worry and planning for our child’s future. None of this seems to equate to a dance with joy. But it can.
James 1: 2-4 says, “Count it all joy, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
There is clearly a choice here. One that we get to make. We can choose to journey with joy, or we can choose not to. This doesn’t mean that the circumstances of the trial that we are living through are joyful. On the contrary, God is calling us to understand that even when circumstances are hard and we do not understand them nor can we change them, we can choose how we will respond. We can choose the practice of counting it joy, and know that the trial standing before us will produce in us a steadfastness that will lead to our growth and our child’s. My prayer for all of us is that we learn to journey with joy as we keep on dancing. You’ve got this mom and dad because God has got you! Lean into his loving arms and tell him how you feel, and then reach out for community.
Don’t do this dance alone. Hope on the Hard Road is a nonprofit that is here to help provide community, encouragement, and hope for special needs families. We have lots of ways to connect so please reach out via email , Facebook or Instagram and check out the podcast which has many expert insights and heartfelt family stories that we know you will enjoy!
