Reconnecting with Yourself as a Caregiver

The dandelion is known for resilience, transformation, and renewal. In it’s prime it can be found poking its way up through the hardest of circumstances in any concrete jungle. Later it transforms from a bright yellow bloom into a wispy head of seeds, which when blown by the force of the wind finds pieces of itself disconnected.

Just like the dandelion, we too, under the strain and stress of this life, may find that we have lost parts of ourselves along the way. Blown around by our circumstances we may not feel like the resilient and strong person we once were.

Let’s take a moment to reconnect with who we are and who we were created to be: Body, Mind, and Spirit.

Body

As women we often disconnect from our own physical needs in order to care for those in our care (ex’s: husband, children, aging parents, etc..). Let’s talk about what it might look like to reconnect to our own physical needs. What does it look like for you to take C.A.R.E. of yourself physically as a caregiver?

Connect

First connect or simply check in with your body. Ask the question, “How do I feel physically right now?”. Are you tired, experiencing brain fog, having GI upset, feeling off hormonally? One initial step you can take is to see your doctor and get a basic physical, and see other specialists as well if needed (ex’s: Primary Care Physician, OBGYN, Ophthalmologist, Dentist, Dermatologist, etc.). Get to know your numbers. Have all your levels checked (ex’s: heart rate, blood pressure,  BMI, basic blood tests). Cholesterol levels, sugar levels, stress markers, hormones levels are all important, because when numbers are off so much can be affected physically and can lead to symptoms like GI issues, brain fog, depression, agitation, etc. For example, studies show that 90% of the body’s serotonin is made in the gut, thus our overall gut health can directly effect mood and mental health and so many other things.

Assess

Next take a deeper dive to assess your current physical state and any next steps that might be helpful. Ask yourself how you can move and get a little exercise every day in a way that is also fun for you (ex’s: take a walk, join a class, dance around your house, etc.). Could better nutrition help? Is there a way to make better nutrition a little easier, like batch meal prep or a meal delivery service? Do you need medications or supplements? Do you need to start taking supplements like vitamin B12 or D? Do you need to see a doctor for a medication that is needed (ex’s: hormone therapy, antidepressant)? What ways can you decrease your screen time.  In his book “Tech Wise Family”, Andy Crouch suggests one easy way to do this is to take a break 1 hour / day, 1 day /week, 1 week /year.

Release

Next we release the stress and find rest. One way to do this is to create sleep routines. Sleep is so important for physical rejuvenation and healing.  This is a difficult topic for many of us parents caring for a child with special needs, as often sleep is difficult. Simply do the best you can (ex’s: take turns with your spouse, hire respite care and take a nap, etc.) Deep Breathing Techniques also have the power to bring down your heart rate and blood pressure (ex: box breathing). Additionally, Progressive Muscle Relaxation Techniques and massage are also great ways to release the stress and tension and relax your body.

Engage

Finally engage in the next steps you’ve identified to help you move toward better physical health. Move every day. Eat a more balanced diet. Go to your doctor appointments. Set sleep routines. Decrease your screen time. Practice deep breathing techniques. And take your medications and supplements regularly.

Mind

As women we can push ourselves until we break mentally and emotionally. We may even disconnect from our own mental and emotional needs in order to care for those in our care. Let’s talk about what it might look like to reconnect to our own mental and emotional self. What does it look like for you to take C.A.R.E. of yourself mentally and emotionally as a caregiver?

Connect

First simply connect with your mental and emotional self. Journaling is a great place to start to connect with yourself mentally and emotionally. By journaling your thoughts and feelings you can see them before you written on the page. Seeing a licensed therapist or counselor is another wonderful way to connect with your thoughts and feelings. Support groups are fabulous of course, but what is needed at times is a safe space where you can open up 1:1 and get help from someone who is trained to recognize the specific need and meet the need with therapeutic tools and treatments.

Assess

Next assess your mental and emotion needs by taking a moment to be present and observe what you are feeling and thinking. This is often called Mindfulness. What is it that you are feeling?  Notice your emotions. Do you feel sad, overwhelmed, numb, agitated? Notice what you may feel in your body (ex’s: tightness in your throat, heart palpitations, stomachache, headache) Notice what you are thinking (ex’s: Are your thoughts racing all the time? Do you find you have allot of negative self-talk?).

Release

Then we move into releasing the mental and emotional burdens beginning with simply allowing yourself the space to be where you are. Allow yourself to feel the feelings. Feelings are real and meant to be felt. Look at all the examples in the Psalms of David and how he lamented. Jesus himself wept at his friend’s death, showed anger in the temple, and sweat blood during a moment of tremendous anxiety. Let go of any guilt over having the feelings you may have about your circumstances. Let go of any shame surrounding the need for supports like counseling or medication. Let go of any anger over what should’ve been, and release it all to God in prayer.

Engage

Lastly engage in next steps toward better mental and emotional health. Be present and recognize when you are experiencing emotions, don’t just numb out, then engage in helpful next steps you can take. Are you experiencing mental decision fatigue? Then treat yourself to a mental break by decreasing the # of decisions you have to make. Are you triggered emotionally? Take a moment to regulate your emotions. Another great way to engage in you mental and emotional health is to practice gratitude. Studies show that being thankful can literally rewire the brain to help lower levels of anxiety and depression. Lastly if you are struggling with sadness, anxiety or depression reach out and make an appointment with a licensed counselor or therapist. Your mental and emotional health is just as important as your physical health.

 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances…” 1Thess.5:16,17

Spirit

As caregivers we may feel different things about the spiritual part of our life. We may feel our faith is central to our life. We may struggle or feel angry with God because life isn’t how we want it to be. We may feel overwhelmed or disconnected spiritually or not want to think about it. So, what does it look like for you to take C.A.R.E. of yourself spiritually as a caregiver?

Connect

Begin with simply connecting with where you are spiritually. If you are curious about the spiritual aspect of life and not connected simply hold the space for that and continue to be curious. If faith is central to your life but you feel disconnected from God, like he is far away from you right now, know that even when we may feel disconnected God is always available to connect with us. He created us for a purpose and his love for us is never ending. (Psalm 139:1-16)

Assess

Next take a deep breath and take a little deeper dive into assessing where you are at spiritually. Are you struggling or angry? Do you feel like God has abandoned you? Are you angry that God allowed this? Again there are so many examples from David in the bible of his lamenting. It’s ok to be angry and cry out to God (Psalms 6:3). He can take it. Are you overwhelmed and busy?  Are you just too busy with all that needs doing to push into this space? Are you numb or not seeking? Are you just numb to it all or not currently seeking connection to the spiritual? Or are you clinging and surrendered? Are you like the woman who clung to Jesus’s cloak and was surrendered in faith that He was the only answer. (Matthew 9:20-22)

Release

Release it to the God who cares for you.  Allow God to carry the weight and just be held. He offers this to us (Matthew 11: 28-30, Isaiah 41:10). You can let it go and let God because he cares for you.

“Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Engage

Finally engage in the spiritual practices that are life giving to you. Listen and learn. Reading the Bible will help you to know the truth of God’s love, compassion, faithfulness, and forgivingness for us, written of all throughout the scriptures. Pause for prayer. Whenever you feel disconnected or overwhelmed pause to share with God through prayer because he cares for you. Prayer is simply talking to God. You don’t need any fancy words he just wants to hear your heart. Connect in community. Connecting in a church community is a beautiful thing. It can help to encourage and strengthen you on your spiritual journey when you are in community.

Taking a moment to reconnect with who we are and who we were created to be Body, Mind, and Spirit, is so important as a caregiver. So take a deep breath and just put one foot infront of the other. Be brave and curious and open to the possible healing that can come as you reconnect with yourself once again.