Seasons of Life

I’m in a season right now. The kind of season I don’t really want to be in. One that leaves you exhausted to the bone and wondering what the future may hold. Many of you know all too well what I’m talking about.

Never Ending Seasons

When I was a young mom I used to be a part of a young moms community group. It was so much fun. They provided us with free childcare and yummy food that we didn’t have to prepare, all while sitting with other young moms listening to inspirational speakers who shared on topics related to life and motherhood. Often we would hear from older more experienced moms, who were trying to encourage us moms of little ones. They would say things like we just needed to hold on and remember that this was only one season of life. They shared that the season of endless feedings, and diapers, and toddler tantrums would soon pass, and we would someday move onto the next season of life. With beautiful empathy they encouraged us to soak up these precious moments with our littles while we still could. These older moms ofcourse said these things with the best of intensions. And for the majority of moms in the room this predictably would turn out to be exactly the way things would go. But not so for me. And not so for the many millions of other moms out there who still find themselves providing feedings, changing diapers, and dealing with tantrums long after that season of life.

I say these things, not to simply complain, but to highlight the journey that many of us find ourselves on in this life. It is a hard road for those of us caring full time for a child with special needs long after childhood. We often think of those with more severe diagnoses, like my daughter. However, this applies to those with hidden diagnoses as well. Children with a diagnosis of ADHD, learning differences, or anxiety often require many years of 504 plans and IEPs, counseling and therapies, and various supports long into adulthood. Parents are often left to deal with little to no supports provided while still having to fight the system and society to advocate for their child along the way. All of this means a lifetime of advocating and caregiving for many of us.

As the Seasons Move On

And what happens as the seasons of our own life move on. As the years roll by, we inevitably begin to age as caregivers, and the wear and tear of all of the physical, mental, and emotional strain on us begins to show. I am about to turn 50 this year, and while I don’t feel 50, because I’ve always been pretty young at heart, my body feels at times more like I’m turning 60. The dreaded menopause season has been upon me for a while now, many of my joints ache from my younger years as a competitive athlete, and I live with a chronic back injury from a major car accident sustained years ago. The fact is, I’m getting older, and yes getting old is truly not for the faint of heart.

Multiple Seasons at Once

As Caregivers, what happens when our parents age as well? What are we to do when sickness and disease and perhaps disability overtakes them too? Often we eventually find ourselves caring for multiple generations at the same time. Sadly this reality is not talked about as much as it should be.  For those of us already caregiving for a child, being in what is called the sandwich generation means that we have a lot more layers in our proverbial sandwich to navigate.  Honestly the heartbreaking complexity of caregiving for my own adult daughter who is entering a season of day program and residential decisions, along side my mom who is enduring a devastating degenerative disease, is utterly unfathomable to me most days. Frankly I find that I can’t even put it all to words.

Present in the Season

Most days I simply try to be present. Present for the moments when I can catch a glimpse of my mom’s sense of humor or her excitement over something she delights in. Present for the times my daughter snuggles in close or calls me mom. Present. That’s all anyone can really be during these seasons of life, is present. Each of us will journey through seasons of life. And no matter what those seasons look like, the greatest gift we can give ourselves and those we love is to simply be present. To truly live in the moments that God has given to us, is to truly live this one life that we have been given.  In saying this, I’m reminded of a beautiful quote that I hope brings you peace today as you journey through your own seasons of life.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. – Eleanor Roosevelt