One of our daughter’s all-time favorite movies is Disney’s “Finding Nemo”. Despite the fact that she is now an older teen, she still delights in the fun story and the characters, especially Dori who she finds hilarious. With Dori’s penchant for unintended mischief and her silly made up songs, our girl is positively hooked on this fish. One of the beautiful things about this character is that though she has a disability, because as she tells others she “suffers from short term memory loss”, she is an eternal optimist and always makes the best of every situation. She perseveres and just doesn’t give up, no matter what change of plans or form of chaos comes her way. To quote the famous blue fish with the fun-loving attitude and zest for life, “When life gets you down, do you wanna know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming”.

The holidays are different for us. We don’t get to do the bright-eyed wonder of early morning presents. On Christmas morning we have to wait until breakfast has been eaten and medication has been given, before we can open presents as a family. And we don’t get to do noise makers and stay up late on New Year’s Eve. With a diagnosis of Autism, our daughter just can’t handle the overstimulation of the noise or the late hour. 

For years I strived for perfect, amazing, and memorable holidays. You name it and we did it: the baking, the decorations, the present wrapping, the concerts, the school events, the picture taking, the card making, the letter writing, the parties, and the lights. The problem was that we did it all while raising a daughter who struggled to tolerate most all of it. At some point I had to face the fact that perfect and amazing wasn’t what was needed. Let’s face it perfect is over rated anyway. I needed to learn to be ok with the not-perfect, the unexpected, and even the difficult moments; and to make the best of every situation cherishing whatever memory we had made along the way.

We still do things for the holidays, we just do them in a different way now. We make adjustments and modifications to make it work for us the best we can. We do most of the decorating, wrapping, and baking when she’s at school or in bed; and we save a few ornaments for her to place on the tree, and a present or 2 for her to wrap in the calm and quiet moments. We go to the early concert, where it doesn’t matter if she makes noise because the audience is filled with kids. When taking pictures, we let the candid profile replace the impossible forced-smile. We send digital holiday cards. And we celebrate the New Year in a much quieter way. Overall we just do things more simple.

There’s something beautiful in the simple. And memories can still be made when the unexpected happens and plans change. We can still capture a beautiful picture of our child looking intently at something held in their hands. We can still stay in touch with friends and family through a picture collage placed on our social media. We can still enjoy the Christmas lights as a family from inside our car as we drive by. We can still unwrap the presents later with full tummies and a happier disposition. We can still laugh and hang out in the early hours of New Year’s Eve as we watch our favorite movie. We can make the best of each and every situation. And in the words of the wise philosopher Dori we can “just keep swimming”. 

This post isn’t meant to be the typical New Year’s Resolution post. I’m not going to challenge you to lose weight, learn a new skill, or finish a goal; because if you feel anything like I feel, the last thing you need is one more thing on your to do list. The last thing you need is to feel that you need to strive to attain some kind of perfection. Dad, Mom, you are already AMAZING for all that you do during the holidays and throughout the entire year. So keep life simple and keep doing what you’re doing. And just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.