This fall as we were settling into our distance learning routine; we began to notice a change in our daughter. Typically, our daily routine was to sit and do schoolwork and virtual classes in the morning, then break for PE, art, and lunch in the midday, and finally take some time to relax in the early afternoon with a movie before we began the late afternoon and evening schedule. One day after scrolling through the Disney plus choice bar and letting Abbey select the movie she wanted to watch, I came back into the room a few minutes later to find her absolutely glued to the screen. She had picked “High School Musical”, and she was actually watching the entire movie and absorbing everything that was going on and then telling me about it. “They play basketball” “Those guys are friends” “They’re in high school” “She’s writing music” “She’s sassy” (well it is about high school after all, someone’s bound to be sassy). And then she said something that up until that day we’d never heard before. She said, “Bolton is pretty”. Eric and I looked at each other trying not to giggle and thinking, “Wow, did she really just say that?”. When we asked her again, “Who’s pretty?”, she said, “Troy Bolton” with an ever so slight yet detectable quiver to her voice. Apparently, she not only really liked watching High School Musical, but she also had a little crush on the cute guy in the show named Troy Bolton. Frankly, we were both left a little stunned.

We shouldn’t have been surprised. After all she is 16 years old, and just like her cousins before her she was doing what any other teenage girl would do, she was crushing on the cute young actor in the movie. This was a milestone and frankly a gain in her growth and on the heels of a hard loss too. Earlier this year she turned 16 and with that came the fresh realization for us that she wouldn’t be getting her driver’s license like all of her other friends. Like all of our friends’ kids. With her delays we of course knew this ahead of time, but strangely it was our own auto insurance that lead us to be alerted to the pain that this loss could cause. When we didn’t sign our daughter up as a new driver on our insurance as we had done with our son when he turned 16 and got his license, our insurance thought we had an unreported minor driving without insurance and threatened to take our coverage away. So instead of blissfully sailing past the milestone that would not come to pass, we actually had to address it head on and take on our insurance company in the process to rectify the situation. It was like pouring salt on an open wound we didn’t know we had until the stinging sensation alerted us. After that it seemed that each new month that passed another 1 or 2 of our friends’ kids were getting their licenses. As COVID slowed the dispensing of licenses, selfishly it quelled our parental pain a bit, but only for the time being as there will never be a license in the future for our girl whereas our friends’ kids would eventually get theirs of course. Losses like this can be so hard but are all too common when raising a child with special needs. 

However, as our teenage girl’s crush had reminded us, there are always gains in this life with special needs too. It’s October now and that means it’s time for pumpkin picking and trick or treating. So, two weeks ago Abbey turned to me and said with absolute delight, “Are we gonna decorate?”. She was incredibly adorable and for the whole rest of that Saturday all she wanted to do was place the decorative pumpkins all over the house and bake pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin muffins. She knew our annual traditions and she was the one begging to do them. It was so much fun. She was so much more aware this year and had made some real gains in this area. And we realized that while we might have milestone losses in this life like not getting a driver’s license, we gain in other areas like this. Our daughter, who is now 16, is still wanting to carve pumpkins and go trick or treating unlike other teens her age. She still delights in the little things like these. What more could we ask for as her parents. She makes each day precious. And every day is a win, no matter the gains or losses on the field.